


Sirius Black and the Incident with the Babbling Bush

by MonkeyZero



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff, Get together fic, M/M, MWPP, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-08 12:25:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5497007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonkeyZero/pseuds/MonkeyZero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While helping Remus with his chores, Sirius finds someone, or rather something to confide his feelings to.</p><p>“But the point is, Remus is so gorgeous and sexy it drives me wild just being close to him. We’ll be doing something perfectly ordinary, like breaking into Filch’s office to embroider his awful overcoat with pink hearts, and I’ll just look over at Remus and think Oh Merlin I want to bang him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sirius Black and the Incident with the Babbling Bush

Sirius was completely gone. Head over heals. Besotted. And all of it over Remus fucking Lupin. Sirius had been in love with his friend for months now, and most times he felt he could handle it. And handling things was not one of his strong points. He typically said whatever came to mind. He had come out to the rest of the Marauders without thinking twice, and had talked in length about Frank Longbottom’s finer attributes.

 

When Remus had admitted to liking boys just as much as he liked girls, Sirius had done his best to just smile and say “we all still love you” when what he really wanted to do was dance around the dorm room, skipping and cheering, and then maybe set off fireworks. And when Remus had started going out with that Ravenclaw kid, Bertram Aubrey—in total secrecy of course—Sirius had resisted chopping him to tiny bits, and had settled for swelling his ugly head. When Remus had had sex first with Aubrey, then with Marlene (that relationship was luckily short lived as it ended with Marlene saying “well, I’m definitely gay”) Sirius had just smiled and congratulated him, like a good friend should. And as Remus lay here, his face inches from Sirius’, eyelashes fluttering up and down, small puffs of breath blowing from his lovely lips, Sirius resisted the powerful urge to lean forward just a little and pressing their lips together.

 

 _No Padfoot,_ he thought to himself. _You don’t just kiss your sleeping friends. That’s assault._ Besides, he didn’t want to ruin the Marauders. James and Peter, apparently, were all for ruining the Marauders. Both had pointedly not invited him to their houses for Christmas, leaving him with no choice but to stay with Remus. Not that he was complaining. He loved Remus, as a friend and more, and spending the holidays with him really was brilliant. But moments like these, waking up beside Remus, they felt like torture—being so close to Remus, but unable to touch him. All of this because Hope had “helpfully” suggest they share Remus’ bed, which Lyall had enlarged for that purpose, though not very much.

 

And it wasn’t as if Sirius hadn’t tried to start anything. He had used every tactic he knew, thrown every bad pick-up line he knew, but to no avail. In desperation, he had tied up a sprig of mistletoe above Remus’ bed, but Remus had noticed, taken it down, and told him some random-ass Norse myth about Loki and Balder, and Sirius couldn’t begin to describe how much he didn’t care. He just wanted Remus to kiss his face off.

But there was a serious problem: Sirius Black had not dated anybody. Yes, all these girls were fawning over him, but they may as well have been toadstool for all it did for him. And boys… Sirius didn’t know where Remus _found_ all these queer boys. Well, only two to be fair, and apparently Gideon Prewitt was a lousy kisser and things had not progressed. Still, Sirius seemed to be missing that special recognition device all the other queers seemed to have. Once, feeling very stupid, he had gone into the Great Hall and whispered “ _homo reveleo_ ” but, alas, no results.

 

And Remus was the only person he really wanted anyway. Remus, with his lovely full lips, soft, curly caramel colored hands. Those deep amber eyes staring back at him… _oh shit._ Remus had woken up and caught him staring. “Morning Pads,” Remus said, grinning.

 

“Morning Moony,” Sirius said. “What shall we do today?”

 

Remus sat up and stretched, causing Sirius to die a little inside, the way Remus’ lithe body moved like that. “Well,” Remus said through a yawn. “We can go into the woods and pick out a Christmas tree and bring it home. But I have chores to do first, so you can hang out with my mum and dad if you’d like, and I’ll be done in an hour of two.”

 

“I can help you with chores,” Sirius insisted. He scrambled out of bed and reached for clothes, not paying much attention to what he grabbed. Remus laughed softly when Sirius realized he had pulled on Remus’ lurid red and green flashing Christmas sweater.

 

“I suppose it’s the season,” Remus sighed, and stood up, stretching again, _the bastard._ Remus crossed the room and began undressing, painfully slowly, and pulled on rather slim trousers and an orange, cable-knit sweater. “You can keep that one,” he said over his shoulder. “My mum’ll be pleased. It’s one of her favorites.”

 

The two boys went to the kitchen, where Hope filled them with bacon, sausage and eggs. After _wolfing_ down a hasty breakfast, Remus led Sirius out the back door. As the boys disappeared, Lyall called after them, “Don’t forget the Babbling Bushes!”

 

Remus groaned, but led Sirius to the shed, where he handed the shorter boy a shovel. “We’ve got to shovel all the paths,” Remus explained. “And if there’s ice, sprinkle gravel on it so my nan doesn’t slip and break her tailbone again. It’s hard for my dad to heal her without her noticing.”

 

“Right, shovel,” Sirius said, accepting a shovel. He glanced over at Remus and mimicked him, scooping up as much snow as he could, and depositing on either side of the path. As he did so, however, he started to notice that it was very cold out, and his fingers and nose were turning red. Glancing around to see Remus rather far off—he had somehow managed to shovel a great deal in the short time Sirius had only gotten a few feet—Sirius shoved him hands in his armpits to warm them up. His teeth were chattering and he was shivering a little in his very cool leather jacket, and thought he would rather like some of Hope’s hot chocolate. But no, he had to show Remus he could do _things._ Practical, muggle things.

 

“Is it too cold out for your precious aristocratic fingers?” Sirius spun around to see Remus laughing at him. Remus could always sneak up on him completely unheard, and it was annoying. Sirius gave Remus his best pout, but it only earned him more laughter. “Come one,” Remus said, reaching out his hand for Sirius to hold. “I’ve got a chore for you in the greenhouse. Shouldn’t be too much exertion. Don’t want you muddying your porcelain white skin.”

 

“I find the insinuation insulting,” Sirius scoffed. “I’ll have you know I have gotten my hands very dirty on many occasions, including that time you were in wolf form and you rushed me into a pile of actual wolf shit while we were playing.”

 

“Yes, you’re a very dirty boy,” Remus said, a mischievous glint in his eye. All Sirius could do in response was make some strangled sort of choking noise. When Remus turned around and walked in the direction of the greenhouse, all Sirius could do was dumbly follow. When they got inside—it was wonderfully warm—Remus gestured at an unassuming plant near the back of the room and said, “You have to talk to the Babbling Bush.”

 

Sirius looked back and forth between the bush and Remus, waiting for Remus to laugh at him. “You’re having me on,” when Remus showed no sign of pranking his friend.

 

“I’m dead Sirius,” Remus said pointedly. “Babbling bushes are essential for translation potions. Brew tea out of their leaves and they will translate whatever you see or hear into your native language. Excellent diplomatic tool, but the taste is horrible. Regardless, people buy them, so we grow them. But they have to be talked to for an hour ever day or they don’t learn.”

 

“You want me to talk to a bush?” Sirius asked. “For an hour?”

 

“Well, you could always go back inside,” Remus suggested. “Or freeze your bollocks off outside. But yes, they need to be talked to, and I’ll do it if you don’t.”

 

“No, no need,” Sirius assured him, crouching down in front of the plant. “Don’t you worry, I can talk to the plant. But this had better not be setting me up for some prank of yours.”

 

“I solemnly swear that this is not a prank,” Remus sighed. “In the name of chocolate and jumpers, I, Remus Lupin also known as Moony, am not, how shall I put it, pulling your leg.”

 

“Alright,” Sirius grumbled, and settled down in front of the plant. He did catch one more glance at Remus’ arse as the werewolf made his out of the greenhouse. “So,” he said, turning back to the plant. “Lovely weather we’re having, isn’t it. Bollocks, is that insensitive of me. I mean, you can’t exactly tell, being cooped up in a greenhouse. I suppose it might be nice, staying warm in here though. Maybe it’s sort of like home for you, wherever that is. Probably somewhere warm. Maybe near the actual tower of Babel. I don’t know. I mean, no offense, but I don’t really care about plants. At all.

 

“I don’t even really know why I’m doing this. I feel a little silly, to be quite honest. But Remus asked me to, so I suppose I should. I wonder what he says to you. Maybe tells us all about our brilliant pranks. Or maybe he tells you about Norse myths and all the other books he reads. Did you know that Balder was killed by a mistletoes dart and it was the only thing that could kill him. I wonder how he would feel about kissing under it. Probably not good. I wonder if they make mistletoe wands. Moony would know. He knows everything. I act like it’s annoying but it isn’t. He does annoying things, mind, like leaving his dirty socks _everywhere,_ or not doing my homework for me. But you know what really gets me? He’s got to know what he does to be, you know? The way he walks around our room almost naked, or when he licks his fingers at the end of meals, but he doesn’t just lick them, no, the bastard _sucks_ on them like it’s…. well you probably don’t want to hear about that. You’re a plant. You probably don’t know about sex and anything I’d tell you would make your leaves curl. Maybe it’s necessary though for translation purposes. I don’t know.

 

“But the point is, Remus is so gorgeous and sexy it drives me wild just being close to him. We’ll be doing something perfectly ordinary, like breaking into Filch’s office to embroider his awful overcoat with pink hearts, and I’ll just look over at Remus and think _Oh Merlin I want to bang him._

 

“And it’s not just sex,” Sirius clarified, not wanting this plant to get the wrong idea. “I mean, that’s a thing, but other stuff would be nice too. Like holding his hand, or snogging, or going to sleep in the same bed as him, or just hearing about his day. I just want to be with him all the time because he makes me happy. And yes we’re together all the time because we’re bet mates, but we’re not _together._ And I’m keeping my distance because, first of all it could totally mess up our friendship. I mean if James and Peter started dating, that’d be a bit odd, but if they broke up it would be horrible. And I know they’re okay with us being together, but I don’t even know if that’s what Remus wants, you know? No you don’t. You’re a sodding plant. Well, I’m cool, just so you know. You can’t see me, but I’m really very cool, until I’m around Remus. Because when I’m near him I turn into a soggy pile of awkwardness, because what if he doesn’t love me back? Like, what if I lay it all out, and he’s just like ‘eh’? I don’t do rejection well. Well, I’ve never tried it, but I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be my strong point. Because I really want him. Sometimes I want him so much, but he’s hard to read, that I just don’t know if he like me back.”

 

“He does,” Remus said. He was standing at the other side of the greenhouse, leaning against the door, just grinning.

 

“That’s rude, Moony,” Sirius whined. “You can’t use your wolfy skills for evil like that?” As soon as he spoke, Sirius realized the mortifying consequences of what Remus had heard and asked, “How much did you hear?”

 

“I finished shoveling and came in around ‘Oh Merlin I just want to bang him,’” Remus said, crossing the room to sit next to Sirius, who buried his face in his hands. “So…” Remus said “How long?”

 

“Since you went to Hogsmeade with Lily,” Sirius admitted. “Both James and I were jealous, even though you both said it wasn’t a date. And I then I wondered why I was jealous, because I didn’t care much about Evans, being a degenerate homosexual, and then it just sort of fell in to place.”

 

“And—and you really like me?” Remus asked, his voice much smaller than before.

 

“Wasn’t it bloody obvious?” Sirius asked, laughing out of exasperation. “I was _mooning_ over you. James and Peter had an intervention and made me come here for break.”

 

“I mean, I knew you were horny,” Remus said. “And it was kind of fun, flirting with you and seeing you come undone, but I didn’t want it to be just about sex, you know. I mean, just sex is fine with somebody like Bertram, who I don’t really know or care about that much, but with you… I needed to know it was more than just wanting to get laid. I mean, shagging would be great, because, well, I’ve seen you, but I want more.”

 

“I want more too,” Sirius admitted, turning to look Remus full in the eyes. “Remus John Lupin, I am utterly smitten. Over the moon. Or under the moon if you’d prefer.” Sirius wiggled his eyebrows, and Remus finally laughed, tipping his head back and letting out a deep, happy laugh.

 

When Remus recovered himself, he turned back to face Sirius, fixing his amber eyes with Sirius’ stormy grey ones. “I’d quite like to kiss you now,” Remus admitted.

 

“I’m amenable to that,” Sirius said, breaking out into a wide grin.

 

“Who’s using big words now?” Remus asked, as he leaned forward, his lips just millimeters from Sirius’. “I’d much prefer it if you didn’t do any talking just now.” Sirius nodded ever so slightly, and suddenly Moony’s lips were on his and _Oh Merlin_ that was Moony’s tongue swiping along his lower lip, and it was just natural for him to open his mouth, and what followed was a sensation he just couldn’t describe.

 

_Meanwhile in the house_

 

James and Peter set down their omnioculars, high-fived each other, then turned to high-five Lyall and Hope in turn. “Great job, team,” James said, grinning at his three co-conspirators. “Excellent move with getting them in bed together, Hope. Now, if you’ll leave this for the two love-birds as their Christmas present from us, we really should be off.” As the two teens disappeared in the fireplace, they heard Hope and Lyall’s cries of shock when they looked down at James and Peter’s present. It was a box of condoms, wrapped in a red ribbon, with the note _Merry Christmas wankers (but hopefully not any longer)—Love Wormtail and Prongs._

 


End file.
